


Name Calling

by tiedyeflag



Category: The Property of Hate
Genre: Humor, mild swearing, someone get these children some soap to wash their filthy mouths XD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 21:42:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7862221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiedyeflag/pseuds/tiedyeflag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the busy market, RGB warns Hero that she mustn’t lose him. However, the girl decides to play a little trick on the monster…so he asks to make an announcement to find her. It doesn’t go quite as planned however…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Name Calling

Inhuman creatures everywhere. Festive lights about. The chatter and clatter of merchants selling their wares. All this felt even more exciting to the young hero, with her eyes wide as dinner plates. In her amazement her grip nearly slipped from RGB’s cane.

“Oh no you don’t,” The monster said firmly. He turned Hero by the shoulders to face him, and pointed at her loose hand on his beloved bamboo cane. “Do NOT let go. You get lost, I leave without you.” He warned, praying she didn’t notice the marshmallow sized lie scurry past his spat shoes. Hero seemed to understand the situation however, and nodded while tightening her grip on the bamboo.

“Good, now let’s go, spit spot!” RGB sang, dragging Hero behind him. As they squeezed past customers and stalls, Assok stared at everything with his mouth wide open from his perch on Hero’s head. His mouth was big enough to hold a ripe grapefruit in it. Hero did the same, eyes wide with wonder of this bizarre bazaar. Stalls selling every and any object lined up on both sides of the street. Some hung from balconies up above, serving gravity defying customers. Many presented their wares on a table, hanging from the miniature roofs, and dangling from any place physics didn’t disagree with. Unusual and intriguing spices scented the air with their history and taste. What _wasn’t_ for sale in this place?

Hero suddenly bumped into RGB’s backside. Shaking her head, she looked up at why her guide stopped. Perhaps another monster, a friend, or...oh, he was just staring at a stall selling antique mirrors. And he stared at his reflection in a grand golden one. RGB turned to face it fully, raising a hand to his collar and adjusting his bowtie. He even hummed slightly to himself, although Hero could barely hear him over the commotion around them. His test pattern mouth curved into a vein grin as he adjusted his attire, temporarily oblivious to his surroundings.

“Hm…” The girl hummed as an idea popped into her mind. Yes, a mischievous one…

“ _Hmm-mmm_... _a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go dow_ -wait, I don’t have time for this.” RGB dropped his hands from his lapels.

Both hands.

Oh no.

He held one hand open, as if his cane would magically reappear in his palm. RGB then saw it laying at his feet. His hand swiftly scooped it up, finding no little girl’s hand attached to the other end.

“H-Hero…?” RGB hesitantly asked while turning around.

He heard a pair of high pitched giggles from behind him, and turned again. The familiar laughter continued, and he kept spinning. From the corner of his screen he saw a bright green rainboot peek from behind his legs.

“Mm-hm, what do we have here…” RGB hummed, going along with the gag. “Looks like my little Hero’s gone missing. And in the middle of this labyrinth of a market. Oh, whatever shall I do?” He dramatically held the back of his free hand to the top of his screen. Then he snapped his fingers. “Got it!”

Hero followed close behind the man as he ventured deeper into the mirror stall. As they passed by mirrors that made their reflections look like crazy cartoon figures, RGB walked closer to a desk sitting near the back. Behind it and a cash register stood a humanoid creature with the head of an elephant and pastel green fur, wearing a well-used apron.

“Excuse me?” RGB asked the elephant man. “I lost my hero. May I make an announcement please?”

“Of course.” The cashier handed RGB a phone with a long, curly cord attached to a metal box; which connected to the entire market’s broadcast system.

Hero pressed her palms to her mouth, but bits of laughter still slipped past her fingers. Oh, what a surprise she’d give RGB when he asked for her, and she’d just jump straight out in front of him! Unknown to her, however, RGB also wore a scheming grin on his screen, trying not to chuckle.

“Goodbye you little shit.”

“...WHAT?!” Hero barked, leaping from behind RGB and in front of him.

“Oh, it looks like it worked! Haha, thank you, good sir!” RGB chirped as he handed the phone back to the elephant man, who huffed in response.

“I don’t know what a shit is, but I can tell it’s bad! And if I’m one then you’re a _big_ one!” Hero jabbed her finger up at RGB’s chest.

“Ah bigshit!” Assok quacked.

“Excuse me?” The man planted his fists on his hips. “Says the girl who nearly gave me a heart attack! And you’re comparing me to that of all things?”

“It was just a joke! And what’s a shit?”

“It’s...a synonym for feces.”

“Fee-sees…?”

“ _Sigh_...you know...poop.”

“...pfft!” Hero giggled. “Well, then I know just what to call you!”

“What?”

“A huge poophead!”

“Poophed, poophed!” Assok jumped from Hero’s head. “Arejeebee ah poophed!”

“Oh really now?” RGB crossed his arms over his chest. “In that case you’re a bigger shit than I thought.”

“Then you’re a...a turdbutt!”

“You’re a nincompoop!”

“Crapbrain!”

“F-Fecesface!” RGB struggled to keep a straight face.

“Blighterpoop-pfft-haha!!” Hero bent over as laughter took over her body. RGB prepared to retort, but he succumbed to the same infectious laugh. Soon they were all rolling on the floor in glee, nearly hitting mirrors and breaking them.

And found themselves kicked out of the mirror stand moments later. Literally. They landed in a pile of frilly lolita dresses in a clothing stand directly in front of the mirror stall.

“Oof!” Hero dug through the soft material and poked her head out of the bright prints. “RGB? Assok? Where are you?”

“Assok heer!” The sock puppet peeped as he wormed out from under a poofy pair of bloomers. With a grin, he curled up onto her shoulder. A moment later, a huge white gown rose from the heap, and wiggled. Then RGB untangled himself from underneath it with a huff.

“Ow, dammit...no one told me that man could punt…” He glanced over at the other two, who were sputtering giggles. “...what?”

Hero pointed to his head. Curious, he laid a hand on his TV, and felt something frilly stuck to it instead of his straw boater hat. He tugged it off, discovering it to be a large baby bonnet. Embarrassed, he flung it aside and found his hat, placing it back on his head.

“Well, we’ve wasted enough time, let’s be on our way now.” RGB said as he crawled out of the clothes bin. He held out his hands for Hero. At first she stared at him, surprised at this subtle act of kindness, and then came closer to RGB’s reach. He gently held her torso, lifted her up, and placed her on the ground beside him.

“Are you alright? Nothing broken, I hope.”

“I’m fine! But what about you?”

“Aside from a sore bottom and probably banned from a market stall? Right as rain.” He rubbed his butt, practically feeling the imprint of the elephant man’s boot on his pants. “Oh, and have you seen my cane?”

Hero scanned the ground, and found it sitting at their feet. Both saw it, bent down and reached for it, fingertips touching. RGB flinched immediately and let the girl pick up his prized accessory. She held it up to him with one hand on the curve of the cane, and holding the straight end to him. The monster paused, sighed, and curled his fingers around the cheap wood.

“Shall we be off?”

“Uh huh!”

“Smashing!”

…

“...You’re still a little shit, though.”

“And you’re a big one.”

“Fair enough, Hero.”

**Author's Note:**

> Figured I'd upload some of my favorite tpoh fanfics up here because there is no such thing as too much tpoh love. This old one may be a tad ooc but it still makes me crack up. Sometimes I forget why I write fanfic in the first place (aside from being a nerd); for fun.
> 
> This is all sohanna-the-doorstop’s fault on tumblr. Blame him for this mess.


End file.
